When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
