Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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