My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
