sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she looked like the before picture.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
