Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
