I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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