so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
