I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want her autograph on my taint
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
