I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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