At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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