the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
