The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
