I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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