I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
