oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
