You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
