opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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