Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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