i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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