shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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