I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
