singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
