doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
