I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
