Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
