i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
