she was so not down for the gang bang
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
