A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
