Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
