shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
