he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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