Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
