Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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