Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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