i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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