She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
