Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
