Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
