You just made me feel so damn special
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
