grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And then he peed in my hair
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