he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
