how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
