Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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