some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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