who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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