just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
