a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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