Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
