It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
