after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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