what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
only you would photoshop your dick
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
