Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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