I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
