I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
