i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
