Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You took a bar mat shot.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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