It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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