just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
