I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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