It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
