I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
