I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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