She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm at about main and main street
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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