I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
