he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
