To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
