Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my being single is dangerous.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
