I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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