I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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