FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
