Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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