New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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