tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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