It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
