hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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